Smiling - Ear to Ear....

This is a sensation that most of us would be familiar with at some point in time or other, in our lives. I still remember when I won a medal in the 100 metres race in high school (this was out of my comfort zone), I am certain my radiant smile would have dazzled anybody then – the pure unadulterated joy!

If you have kids, you would have seen this dazzling smile that makes your day (I don't have kids myself but I have seen proud parents light up instantly when their kids have this beatific smile on their faces). 

Your memo has been circulated by your boss to the entire organization; Your win has been acknowledged by the CEO; Your work has been recognized as the most innovative in the organization; You have been held up as a model co-worker; Your girlfriend accepted your proposal of marriage/your boyfriend proposed at last; Basically your individual worth has been validated and more importantly accepted – yay!!!

What comes along with this smile is the elated feeling of being on top of the world, anything is possible and also a small thought – I must be looking stupid smiling like this! Others would think I am an arrogant b******, so stop smiling….and we try hard to contain that smile.

This feeling of acceptance is such a powerful stimulant and yet, adulteration is creeping in even there! It is an interesting paradox that while all of us want to be recognized and accepted, most of us donot know where to look or what to say when being acknowledged - the automatic reaction is to play small. 

Imagine the immense opportunity when the spotlight is on you! How can you handle being in the spotlight from your true authentic self without appearing arrogant and also without losing that radiant smile?

Many of my discussions with my clients do focus on acknowledgements - both receiving and giving acknowledgements from a place of authenticity, because that is such a powerful tool for a leader. There is this dilemma that leaders have 'how do you recognize the thin line when acknowledgements go into the territory of overuse/abuse and hence loses its meaning for the giver and the recipient'. (My next blog will look into acknowledgements more deeply).

I like to say acknowledgements are positive energy creators. Whenever you receive an acknowledgement, your first reaction is to do better and with that feeling of walking tall, being confident, you actually DO some of your best work then, and that ear to ear smile is so contagious – spreads the positive energy to others as well. And if receiving acknowledgements is so fulfilling, why not practice giving it as well, once more from a genuine authentic place? Try it on friends and family today....

I am told, we live in a superstitious society where being too happy is a prelude to disaster or celebrating acknowledgements makes us arrogant! Hmm, what is true here?

Imposter Syndrome...

When I joined frontline sales after a stint in delivery and presales, I was doing good but I always had a nagging feeling at the back of mind telling me ‘Oh my God, what are you doing here? You will get found out soon for the fake that you are!’

And hear this, when I joined an MNC directly from campus from my engineering college, there was this voice telling me then ‘You are a mechanical engineer – how will you fit into IT? You are not technically strong like your other counterparts from computer engineering or even electrical engineering – you will get found out soon for the fake that you are!’ Years later, after leading multiple delivery programs, after multiple awards and recognition for my technical skills, there was still this voice telling me ‘you will get found out soon for the fake that you are!’

Thereafter, I left my super successful delivery career and ventured into business development and sales where I had no prior experience. And I landed myself in the midst of some very dashing, smart, handsome sales men, who could talk their pants off and sell anything. Now this voice was stronger than ever ‘Where have you landed yourself – you donot know anything about sales and you are not remotely as articulate as your other counterparts. You are a woman – people donot listen to women in sales. You will be found out soon for the fake that you are!’.

Years later, after a successful sales career in multiple countries, across multiple cultures, being led by and leading some really kick-ass sales generals, after countless CXO and other senior level meetings, I realized that though I have never been exposed as a fake yet, that voice inside me is still hopeful…

It was then that I stumbled upon a startling fact that this voice has got a name – it is called the IMPOSTER syndrome and it is very common among most people (especially the successful ones), in high performance sales people, in high flying leaders, in women climbing fast up the corporate ladder, in entrepreneurs, in performers/athletes/artists going for world recognition and the list is endless. 

So, how did this syndrome help or shackle me? It made me work harder to prove myself, to “cover” up essentially and for the most part I learned to ignore this voice. But I also realized that at a few places it made me avoid taking big risks, made me keep my head down and not be as bold as I might otherwise have been. Now I know this syndrome and I am comfortable with this being my friend - calling it out is the first step towards dealing with this affliction.

The incoming class in Stanford Business School (after a tough admission process) was asked, who among them felt that they were there because the admissions committee made a mistake. Guess, how many students raised their hands? Approx 75% of the students felt they were a mistake and they would be found out soon.

“[I would] wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot and, and think, I can’t do this; I’m a fraud” – Kate Winslet

“At any time I still expect that the no-talent police will come and arrest me” – Mike Myers

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh-Oh, they’re going to find out now. I have run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out’ ” – Award winning author Mary Angelou

Do you have this affliction as well? If yes, how do you deal with it? How do you make it an ally to propel your career or life in the direction that you want?

Being Comfortable with the Uncomfortable...

I wish I was told this when I began my career approx 2 decades ago –

Have you ever felt the urge to go ahead and do something that is hugely uncomfortable to you? Or is the natural path to avoid any task that causes you discomfort eg addressing a gathering, taking a stand as opposed to the general group sentiment, making a decision and the list goes on.

Typically, the questions that arise in our minds are – What will people think? How will I be perceived? What if I fail? What if I am rejected?

In the coaching world, we call these as saboteurs/gremlins – anything that sabotages our natural instinct and inhibits our actions and twists the person we inherently are. So who are you inherently?

Instead of acknowledging the saboteurs, we justify our inaction to ourselves by saying things like ‘I am uncomfortable with this, let’s not create more discomfort’, ‘I will speak when the time is right’ and this goes on….

As leaders, taming your saboteurs and those of your team members are paramount. A simple mantra ‘Be comfortable with what you are most uncomfortable’ can change your career. 

If you are trying to avoid a task, ask yourself what is your comfort level with that task? Make a list of tasks that are highly uncomfortable to you and make it a point to practice doing them every week. Get the uncomfortable tasks out of your To Do list as early as possible every day, so it does not hang upon you like a Damocles sword.

See how it feels and allow yourself to fail. Notice at what point in time you actually become comfortable with the task and see what opens up for you thereafter. What does this do for your leadership?

What does change do for you?

Do you come across people who tell you "you have changed" and you immediately go on the defensive or feel guilty about it?

Here’s the thing – life is NOT static, so why should you be? 

Actually, if someone were to see you after 10 years and tell you “you haven’t changed a bit!”, what would that feel like?

I know I would feel proud that I have held onto my looks, my image and my innocence of 10 years ago…On hindsight though, isn’t it a shame that the world has passed us by and we are still where we were 10 years ago from our persona perspective? 

If we have not added the lines of wisdom on our face, if we have not incorporated the maturity of experience in our behavior and style, we are like new wine in the same old bottle. Tasteless on the inside and same packaging on the outside!

Think about this for a while and ask yourself, What am I missing out on by resisting change?

On the other hand, if you have embraced change with all your heart and body and you are living life to the fullest, and you receive an enthusiastic compliment ‘Gosh, you have changed!’, does that give you a sense of achievement?

At the work-place, change is a tricky subject – I know of an incident where a woman who was hesitant of speaking her mind or speaking at all in meetings (wanted to blend in, instead of stand out) went through a transformation and put herself out there with being more direct and having a paradigm shift with her confidence level at work. Suddenly, she went from a person who meekly did what she was told to being a person who had a mind of her own. 

Leaders at work have a conundrum – how do they deal with such changes in an important co-worker? They would sometimes probably want the meek co-worker back since that is what they are familiar with. On the other hand, why not channelize this new found confidence into challenging her constantly so she can go the extra mile – for herself, for you as a leader and for the organization? 

After all, as a leader, you are expected to constantly address a changing market, changing business demands, changing cost pressures, so why not changing team dynamics?

Leadership is all about constantly changing yourself to adapt to your constantly changing environment!

What is the one change that you would like to make in you today?

Friends Who Say...

If you had friends who constantly tell you again and again ‘You are stupid – nothing you do will succeed’ or ‘You are not as good as the others around you – accept yourself for who you are’ or even ‘You can keep trying but I am telling you, this will not work’, or hmm, ‘Have you considered what will others think if you do this?’ what would you do?

Would you continue to remain friends with them? Maybe, but you would definitely not meet up with them every day. You will avoid them or maybe even fire such friends (if you are courageous). I am guessing, you will not be comfortable with such friends. Who needs enemies when you have such friends, who squeeze the joy out of life....

Yet, when these very same things are told by your internal voices, when you embark upon something, you keep listening to them every single day and also act upon them through inaction. The result? PARALYTIC LIFE!

And these voices grow so big and manifest themselves as Fear of failure, Fear of Rejection, Fear of people’s approval and the list goes on. Have you ever come across this in your day to day life?

Here’s the news – these are the most common paralytic symptoms among all of us and each and every one of us encounter these in our day-to-day lives. It is how we deal with them is the trick. Do we give in and listen to these so-called ‘friends’ or do we fire such ‘friends’ and spring into action?

In my course of work, I continually work with empowered individuals, who have the ambition and the drive and yet the above mentioned ‘friends’ shackle their full power. How to ‘unfriend’ them? People say ‘I thought this was the voice of reason’. Well, think again!

You have the responsibility to live your life – what that means is that you have the power to actively choose your life the way you want it to be. That makes you empowered and the joy of living comes from empowerment. If you choose to be with such ‘friends’, you are choosing but you are not choosing powerfully.

Recognize what is on the other side of the door and what it would be like to live unshackled and powerfully.....