Being Comfortable with the Uncomfortable...

I wish I was told this when I began my career approx 2 decades ago –

Have you ever felt the urge to go ahead and do something that is hugely uncomfortable to you? Or is the natural path to avoid any task that causes you discomfort eg addressing a gathering, taking a stand as opposed to the general group sentiment, making a decision and the list goes on.

Typically, the questions that arise in our minds are – What will people think? How will I be perceived? What if I fail? What if I am rejected?

In the coaching world, we call these as saboteurs/gremlins – anything that sabotages our natural instinct and inhibits our actions and twists the person we inherently are. So who are you inherently?

Instead of acknowledging the saboteurs, we justify our inaction to ourselves by saying things like ‘I am uncomfortable with this, let’s not create more discomfort’, ‘I will speak when the time is right’ and this goes on….

As leaders, taming your saboteurs and those of your team members are paramount. A simple mantra ‘Be comfortable with what you are most uncomfortable’ can change your career. 

If you are trying to avoid a task, ask yourself what is your comfort level with that task? Make a list of tasks that are highly uncomfortable to you and make it a point to practice doing them every week. Get the uncomfortable tasks out of your To Do list as early as possible every day, so it does not hang upon you like a Damocles sword.

See how it feels and allow yourself to fail. Notice at what point in time you actually become comfortable with the task and see what opens up for you thereafter. What does this do for your leadership?

What does change do for you?

Do you come across people who tell you "you have changed" and you immediately go on the defensive or feel guilty about it?

Here’s the thing – life is NOT static, so why should you be? 

Actually, if someone were to see you after 10 years and tell you “you haven’t changed a bit!”, what would that feel like?

I know I would feel proud that I have held onto my looks, my image and my innocence of 10 years ago…On hindsight though, isn’t it a shame that the world has passed us by and we are still where we were 10 years ago from our persona perspective? 

If we have not added the lines of wisdom on our face, if we have not incorporated the maturity of experience in our behavior and style, we are like new wine in the same old bottle. Tasteless on the inside and same packaging on the outside!

Think about this for a while and ask yourself, What am I missing out on by resisting change?

On the other hand, if you have embraced change with all your heart and body and you are living life to the fullest, and you receive an enthusiastic compliment ‘Gosh, you have changed!’, does that give you a sense of achievement?

At the work-place, change is a tricky subject – I know of an incident where a woman who was hesitant of speaking her mind or speaking at all in meetings (wanted to blend in, instead of stand out) went through a transformation and put herself out there with being more direct and having a paradigm shift with her confidence level at work. Suddenly, she went from a person who meekly did what she was told to being a person who had a mind of her own. 

Leaders at work have a conundrum – how do they deal with such changes in an important co-worker? They would sometimes probably want the meek co-worker back since that is what they are familiar with. On the other hand, why not channelize this new found confidence into challenging her constantly so she can go the extra mile – for herself, for you as a leader and for the organization? 

After all, as a leader, you are expected to constantly address a changing market, changing business demands, changing cost pressures, so why not changing team dynamics?

Leadership is all about constantly changing yourself to adapt to your constantly changing environment!

What is the one change that you would like to make in you today?

Friends Who Say...

If you had friends who constantly tell you again and again ‘You are stupid – nothing you do will succeed’ or ‘You are not as good as the others around you – accept yourself for who you are’ or even ‘You can keep trying but I am telling you, this will not work’, or hmm, ‘Have you considered what will others think if you do this?’ what would you do?

Would you continue to remain friends with them? Maybe, but you would definitely not meet up with them every day. You will avoid them or maybe even fire such friends (if you are courageous). I am guessing, you will not be comfortable with such friends. Who needs enemies when you have such friends, who squeeze the joy out of life....

Yet, when these very same things are told by your internal voices, when you embark upon something, you keep listening to them every single day and also act upon them through inaction. The result? PARALYTIC LIFE!

And these voices grow so big and manifest themselves as Fear of failure, Fear of Rejection, Fear of people’s approval and the list goes on. Have you ever come across this in your day to day life?

Here’s the news – these are the most common paralytic symptoms among all of us and each and every one of us encounter these in our day-to-day lives. It is how we deal with them is the trick. Do we give in and listen to these so-called ‘friends’ or do we fire such ‘friends’ and spring into action?

In my course of work, I continually work with empowered individuals, who have the ambition and the drive and yet the above mentioned ‘friends’ shackle their full power. How to ‘unfriend’ them? People say ‘I thought this was the voice of reason’. Well, think again!

You have the responsibility to live your life – what that means is that you have the power to actively choose your life the way you want it to be. That makes you empowered and the joy of living comes from empowerment. If you choose to be with such ‘friends’, you are choosing but you are not choosing powerfully.

Recognize what is on the other side of the door and what it would be like to live unshackled and powerfully.....