Smiling - Ear to Ear....

This is a sensation that most of us would be familiar with at some point in time or other, in our lives. I still remember when I won a medal in the 100 metres race in high school (this was out of my comfort zone), I am certain my radiant smile would have dazzled anybody then – the pure unadulterated joy!

If you have kids, you would have seen this dazzling smile that makes your day (I don't have kids myself but I have seen proud parents light up instantly when their kids have this beatific smile on their faces). 

Your memo has been circulated by your boss to the entire organization; Your win has been acknowledged by the CEO; Your work has been recognized as the most innovative in the organization; You have been held up as a model co-worker; Your girlfriend accepted your proposal of marriage/your boyfriend proposed at last; Basically your individual worth has been validated and more importantly accepted – yay!!!

What comes along with this smile is the elated feeling of being on top of the world, anything is possible and also a small thought – I must be looking stupid smiling like this! Others would think I am an arrogant b******, so stop smiling….and we try hard to contain that smile.

This feeling of acceptance is such a powerful stimulant and yet, adulteration is creeping in even there! It is an interesting paradox that while all of us want to be recognized and accepted, most of us donot know where to look or what to say when being acknowledged - the automatic reaction is to play small. 

Imagine the immense opportunity when the spotlight is on you! How can you handle being in the spotlight from your true authentic self without appearing arrogant and also without losing that radiant smile?

Many of my discussions with my clients do focus on acknowledgements - both receiving and giving acknowledgements from a place of authenticity, because that is such a powerful tool for a leader. There is this dilemma that leaders have 'how do you recognize the thin line when acknowledgements go into the territory of overuse/abuse and hence loses its meaning for the giver and the recipient'. (My next blog will look into acknowledgements more deeply).

I like to say acknowledgements are positive energy creators. Whenever you receive an acknowledgement, your first reaction is to do better and with that feeling of walking tall, being confident, you actually DO some of your best work then, and that ear to ear smile is so contagious – spreads the positive energy to others as well. And if receiving acknowledgements is so fulfilling, why not practice giving it as well, once more from a genuine authentic place? Try it on friends and family today....

I am told, we live in a superstitious society where being too happy is a prelude to disaster or celebrating acknowledgements makes us arrogant! Hmm, what is true here?

Imposter Syndrome...

When I joined frontline sales after a stint in delivery and presales, I was doing good but I always had a nagging feeling at the back of mind telling me ‘Oh my God, what are you doing here? You will get found out soon for the fake that you are!’

And hear this, when I joined an MNC directly from campus from my engineering college, there was this voice telling me then ‘You are a mechanical engineer – how will you fit into IT? You are not technically strong like your other counterparts from computer engineering or even electrical engineering – you will get found out soon for the fake that you are!’ Years later, after leading multiple delivery programs, after multiple awards and recognition for my technical skills, there was still this voice telling me ‘you will get found out soon for the fake that you are!’

Thereafter, I left my super successful delivery career and ventured into business development and sales where I had no prior experience. And I landed myself in the midst of some very dashing, smart, handsome sales men, who could talk their pants off and sell anything. Now this voice was stronger than ever ‘Where have you landed yourself – you donot know anything about sales and you are not remotely as articulate as your other counterparts. You are a woman – people donot listen to women in sales. You will be found out soon for the fake that you are!’.

Years later, after a successful sales career in multiple countries, across multiple cultures, being led by and leading some really kick-ass sales generals, after countless CXO and other senior level meetings, I realized that though I have never been exposed as a fake yet, that voice inside me is still hopeful…

It was then that I stumbled upon a startling fact that this voice has got a name – it is called the IMPOSTER syndrome and it is very common among most people (especially the successful ones), in high performance sales people, in high flying leaders, in women climbing fast up the corporate ladder, in entrepreneurs, in performers/athletes/artists going for world recognition and the list is endless. 

So, how did this syndrome help or shackle me? It made me work harder to prove myself, to “cover” up essentially and for the most part I learned to ignore this voice. But I also realized that at a few places it made me avoid taking big risks, made me keep my head down and not be as bold as I might otherwise have been. Now I know this syndrome and I am comfortable with this being my friend - calling it out is the first step towards dealing with this affliction.

The incoming class in Stanford Business School (after a tough admission process) was asked, who among them felt that they were there because the admissions committee made a mistake. Guess, how many students raised their hands? Approx 75% of the students felt they were a mistake and they would be found out soon.

“[I would] wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot and, and think, I can’t do this; I’m a fraud” – Kate Winslet

“At any time I still expect that the no-talent police will come and arrest me” – Mike Myers

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh-Oh, they’re going to find out now. I have run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out’ ” – Award winning author Mary Angelou

Do you have this affliction as well? If yes, how do you deal with it? How do you make it an ally to propel your career or life in the direction that you want?