Leadership Begins At Home

(This article is not meant to start a debate on parenting or what is right and what is wrong. Instead, it is aimed at reflecting upon possibilities and expanding perspectives…)

Your team is preparing for an important presentation – they have worked really hard on it and come up with a powerful pitch and really good slides. They send the slides to you for review and your inputs. You go through it and find it really good, shows the tenacity of your team. However, you do believe if 2 or 3 slides are re-ordered, the overall presentation would read better – what do you do?

Most of us would want to add our own value and say ‘Really great presentation, I am impressed. However/but, if you change the order of slides 5 and 10, it would read way better – that’s my only suggestion.’ Nothing wrong with this. Imagine, if you instead said ‘Really great presentation, I am impressed. Let’s go with it and win the pitch!’ What do you notice is the difference?

I would say the value added in the latter case is priceless – you subtly empowered your team to own and be accountable for the presentation! In the earlier case, the moment you say ‘however or but’, you subconsciously diminished their power and their ownership in the overall picture – have you noticed, the higher up you go in an organization, your suggestions automatically become orders to  be followed.

Then the scenario moves to the actual presentation day… Your team member, your subject matter expert and you show up for this important multi-million dollar pitch. Your team member, having taken ownership, is expected to present and he is obviously nervous – stakes are really high and he would rather his seniors present. That’s when you tell him – ‘Are you worried that you are armed only with a pistol and you are going into war zone – don’t worry, in case you haven’t noticed, you have 2 high power bazookas with you on either side of you. What more do you need?’ In the presentation, you discover that your team member upgraded himself to a bazooka and needed to use you and your expert only as rocket launchers. (This is a true anecdote and if you identify this anecdote with yourself, yes, this is your story!)

Have you ever noticed that giving ownership and believing in a person is what extracts the best from him/her.

Sometimes the best example of leadership is at home with our kids. Bringing up kids is never easy – there are too many unknown aspects, too many ifs and buts and stakes are always too high. If I were to say, empower your kids, what comes up?

As a simple example similar to the presentation anecdote mentioned above, as a parent, have you ever ended up taking the lead for your kids’ project(s)? Somewhere along the way, in the race to win, you suddenly find yourself leading in your child’s project instead of supporting – stakes are too high. Your child cannot fail and given the complexities of today’s projects, which sometimes challenge even adults, the child is bound to fail - for sure other parents are 'helping' their kids.... So you have to take up the reins now and before you know it, it becomes a competitive stressful game among grown-ups!

Stop for a minute and ask, ‘What is the goal for my child in this project’? ‘What is success here?’ Coming first, winning a medal or learning (to lead, to fail, to be self-dependent, to be accountable, to be confident)? What if the child took ownership of the complete project, stumbled and fell and you were right there to pick him/her up. What if, you empower your child not by doing his/her work but letting your child lead, take ownership and direct the project the way s/he wants to. You are cheering on your child from the sidelines and ready with bazookas to protect your child, if need arises, but let the child fire his/her own bazooka.

What kind of leader are you and what kind of leaders are you developing at home?

What is your Escape Route?

The other day my friend and I were reminiscing about our college days and my friend pointed out my enormous appetite for fictions during those days and my unusual sleep patterns even during exams. When I was reminded of that, it did strike me odd because I did use to read an inordinately large number of fictions in college and sleep (?) – well, don’t even get me started on that! So what was I gaining from these so-called ‘fruitless’ activities?

Looking back, I loved reading story books right from childhood – the fantasies took me to another world of rich imagination where the mystery, triumph against all odds and the aliveness kept me glued to the books.

Since leaving college I had deluded myself with the fact that I was too busy to read fiction – there have been times when I have not read any fiction for many years and then sometimes I felt the twinge of a cord pulling me towards a fiction. However, the guilt of wasting time in a fiction, kept me away – rather read important stuff like the news, science, fact rather than fiction! So, I tried to do that but that somehow did not resonate with me – the power of fiction kept pulling me incessantly.

So, what is this power of fiction?

Can you imagine what it is like to be the only girl in a class full of 70 odd boys? That was my scenario in engineering college (those days not many women ventured into Mechanical Engineering) - I was a bit of a rebel and quite undiplomatic then, where my ego was as big as anybody else’s and I could play second fiddle to none! And in a class full of hormone raging young boys, most of who came from extremely feudalistic societies/households, you can only imagine the war of the worlds!

I had to shut off the incessant chatter around me so I could focus on my goal of making it through in 4 years of engineering college and I realized fiction gave me that escape route. I also discovered that I relied very heavily on sleep as an alternate therapy. A disagreement with anybody, an intrusive comment at class, something bothering me, I would instantly dive my nose into a book or just go to sleep. My room mates often wondered why and how I slept so much, well, now they know why. Sleep was my escape route and so was fiction.

That set me wondering what kind of escapism is this? It was then that I realized my natural instincts of survival kicked in, in an unimaginable way – sleep delayed my instant reaction and gave me a fresh perspective on waking up. Ever heard of the saying ‘Let me sleep over it…’?

And books took me to a place of aliveness and triumph, which acted as my motivator and renewed my energies or often times even gave me an alternate perspective once I had removed myself from the issue at hand. (Interestingly, I never could read sad books with horrific endings – still can’t).

What is your escape route from anything that is distasteful to you and what do you notice about that? Is that escapism or a way of dealing with the challenges that need you to be better equipped before you deal with it? As long as it is helping you in moving forward, you are doing the right thing. However, if there is dissonance and if you are at the same place where you started, it is time to evaluate your escape route….

When Did It Become OK to Fail?

When did it become all right to fail? When did this paradigm shift happen? I have always grown up with the constant battle AGAINST failure. Study hard so you donot fail; Donot show your emotion so you donot fail in the realm of society; Prepare hard for the presentation – you cannot fail to impress; Study your competition – failing in business is not an option. From these thoughts suddenly, we are thrown into this realm – it is OK to fail….I wonder what is behind that! Is it really ok to fail? Why strive at all, if the accepted norm is – it is OK to fail?

Imagine a baby who is eager to walk on his/her two feet. S/he is probably thinking “Everybody around me is walking and running and I am just crawling, my mobility is so limited –how wonderful it would be to run to that shiny red thing at the end of the room (which people around me say I should not touch) and explore it at will before anybody stops me. Sigh, let me get up on my feet but my bum hurts everytime I fall down and everybody laughs as well – how humiliating!” If the baby decided that he wants to walk and run but is afraid of falling, of hurting and of being humiliated, he would give up on getting up again and again and he would never walk!

We often call going after our dreams as ‘leap of faith’ – wonder why… Our typical journey is we take a leap (somewhere) and build our career and then figure out this is not what I want to do or I want to do more, something is missing and then the opportunity comes up to take another leap (this time with awareness) and we step back – Why? Because we donot want to lose what we already have, we donot want to start at the bottom again (seems daunting...), we have practical obligations in life (mortgages, children, family, our comfort etc etc) or we are just afraid of falling/failing. And then life is up and nobody gets to hear the music within you ever….

If you are one of those who hesitate to follow your passion, it is interesting that you have acquired success, wealth, comfort etc doing something that you are not so passionate about, forcing yourself to give 100%. Imagine what is possible when you follow your passion where you automatically give more than 100%....

I recently met up with a songwriter/music director friend and we were discussing about the struggle and joy of embarking on the path less travelled and the support or non support of people around us. He had a really interesting thing to say – ‘What if I fail – that phrase does not exist for me. There is no ‘what if’ or ‘but’ in my life - I donot give myself any other choice. Music is a passion for me and while many might count the not-so-good days as struggle without success, for me every passing day brings me closer to my goal.’

This observation is so profound – it is so like the child who has to walk/run. For him there is no other choice. There is no ‘what if’ or ‘but’ in the child’s mind – every passing day brings the child closer to the day s/he WILL walk and run. It is not a 'leap of faith' - it is just doing what you are meant to do.

Coming back to when did it become OK to fail, it looks like as babies and as kids, we were uninhibited, undaunted by competition, unafraid to fall down again and again and kept our focus on what we wanted and went after it whole heartedly. 

As we grow up, there are certain things we acquire, ego being the biggest of them who begins to take control of our lives, who begins asking the question ‘what if’. That is our false self, who successfully distorts the image of our life and we fail to make clear distinctions among identity, success and money. Not failing becomes an obsession and the definition of success becomes blurred.

If you look closely, success is about achieving a goal and that is so fulfilling. However, most of us find that, that fulfillment is not the finish line. We never 'arrive' in our lifetime…we move on from one goal to the next and next…so the end state is about reaching a goal and success/failure are just uphills/downhills on the road towards our goal. Hence, it is OK to fail means it is OK to overcome the bump and move on….

What do you notice? If your focus shifts to the goal rather than the end result, and you look deeper into your goal, letting go of associated distracting factors, you will find you NEVER FAIL. Here are some examples of deepening your goal(s):

a)   I want to be the best that I can be (the goal could be: I will add at least 10 more ammunition this month to my artillery to tackle life/career – where am I limiting myself?)

b)   I want to win the contract (the goal could be: I want to win $ X million from this customer within Y months – what else is possible?)

c)   I want to make a lot of money (the goal could be: I want to live my life comfortably and luxuriously and provide for my family – what do I have now? )

d)    I want to provide the best for my children (the goal could be: I want my children to grow up as somebody I would be proud of – what can I do for my children’s growth?)

e)   I want others to look up to me and admire me as a success (the goal could be: I want to be respected and be in a position to give rather than take from others – what does that say about me?)

The same is true for leaders in an organization – if you redefine and focus your personal and professional goals so that they have more depth than just a shallow perspective, imagine the shift you would have in your communications, in your relationships and hence in your business.

I am interested to hear what your goal is….(@ ruma.biswas001@gmail.com)

Life Assessment - DIY

The Life Assessment wheel over the following 8 segments of life was posted for a limited time over New Year to help you connect with your life resolutions. 

Please contact me on ruma.biswas001@gmail.com if you need information on that.

Summary:

Career	/50	=	%
Fun & Recreation	/40	=	%
Money & Finances	/40	=	%
Physical Environment	/40	=	%
Personal Growth	/40	=	%
Health & Wellbeing	/50	=	%
Family & Friends	/90	=	%
Romance & Significant Other	/40	=	%

DIY - Professional Assessment

This is a Do-It-Yourself Assessment of your professional life. 

Print out this post and draw your professional wheel to see how bumpy or smooth it is...

This post has been removed - it was published for a short duration as a promotion. 

If you need further information, contact ruma.biswas001@gmail.com 

Coaching Assertiveness

The topic of assertiveness very often crops up in coaching in some form or other – it is a great leadership trait but also an aspect that everybody struggles with at some point in time or other. Irrespective of whether you are in a position of power or otherwise, at certain times all of us give away our power and allow others to step over us giving rise to a feeling of dissonance, inadequacy and frustration. And when this becomes an ongoing phenomenon, the dissonance and frustration is extreme and it is time to shake off the shackles.

(Acknowledge: GreatLifeCoach)

If you could...

Say No more often...  would you?

Recognize and look after your own needs.... would you?

Be courageously authentic.... would you?

Speak up for yourself.... would you?

Allow people not to walk all over you... would you?

Have more honest relationships... would you?

What a relief it would be to be able to do all the above without actually creating disharmony in the environment? Reflect in-depth and you will find the biggest reason why you sometimes or always give your power away is when you want to please others, when you want to be liked, when you want to avoid conflict.

You are in your current situation because of the choices you have made in your life and work. As you learn more about yourself and the choices you have made, you may realize that a lack of assertiveness sometimes plays an important role in your feeling of lacking, lost-ness or powerlessness. If you wish your future to be better than the past, you need to make better choices and some of those choices may involve being more assertive in the way you communicate with others.

Assertive behaviour allows you to feel self-confident and generally gains the respect of your peers and friends. It increases your chances for honest relationships and helps you feel better about yourself with more self-control in everyday situations. This, in turn, improves your decision-making ability and your chances of getting what you really want from life.

Non-assertive behaviour includes avoidance, withdrawal, timidity, deference, submissiveness, fearfulness, and indirectness. Where did this non-assertiveness all begin from?

As children we were probably criticized when we expressed opinions or desires especially if they differed from the opinions of our parents or elders. Effectively we were taught, that what we want is not important – what is important is what other people want and view us. We learned that openly revealing our true thoughts and feelings will lead to rejection. Many of us have become so intent on pleasing others that we have forgotten how to think for ourselves....and perhaps can no longer identify our own thoughts and feelings.

How many of these statements do you remember being told as a child?

·         Don’t be selfish

·         Don’t make mistakes

·         Don’t be emotional

·         Don’t tell people if you don’t like them

·         Don’t be so unreasonable

·         Don’t question people

·         Don’t interrupt

·         Don’t question what elders (read: people in position of power) say

·         Don’t be so direct

·         Don’t trouble others with your problems

·         Don’t complain

·         Don’t upset others

·         Don’t brag

·         Don’t be proud

·         Don’t be anti-social

·         Do what people ask you to do

And on and on...(do add if there are others that I have missed out...)

Well, we were conditioned thus as kids but as adults, we have the power to define our rules that we want to live by. We have the right to choose and define the very same aspects that serve us – many of us lose the script along the way and fail to grow up. We continue to follow the same path that we did as a kid – what’s the point in growing up then?

“When I was little and running on the race track at school, I always stopped and waited for all the other kids so we could run together even though I knew (and everybody else knew) that I could run much faster than all of them! I pretended to read slowly so I could "wait" for everyone else who couldn't read as fast as I could! When my friends were short I pretended that I was short too and if my friend was sad I pretended to be unhappy. I could go on and on about all the ways I have limited myself, my whole life, by "waiting" for people. And the only thing that I've ever received in return is people thinking that they are faster than me, people thinking that they can make me feel bad about myself just because I let them and people thinking that I have to do whatever they say I should do. My mother used to teach me "Cinderella is a perfect example to be" but I have learned that Cinderella can go f*** herself, I'm not waiting for anybody, anymore! I'm going to run as fast as I can, fly as high as I can, I am going to soar and if you want you can come with me! But I'm not waiting for you anymore.” 

― C. JoyBell C. 

It is all about me...

This seems to be a selfish place to start this post with and I invite you to come explore this with me with no judgements whatsover. Since childhood, we have been taught to distinguish between what is selfish and the opposite of that was automatically ‘sharing’. If you flip the coin here for a moment, the opposite of sharing is actually being possessive – is that really ‘selfish’?

You have seen kids playing around and when a kid refuses to share his toys with his friends, his mom automatically calls out ‘Don’t be selfish. Share and play with your friends’. And hence from childhood, we are taught being selfish is a BAD thing. But was that an example of being possessive or being selfish? What if we learnt to distinguish between the two – I actually think since selfish is a more common and easy word, everything is branded as selfish and bad. If you look at the dictionary meaning of selfish, it says ‘lacking consideration for other people’.

Don’t you think it is high time, as adults, we qualified the term ‘selfish’ better? We seem to be stuck in a time machine of our childhood and label anything to do with ‘ME’ as ‘selfish’ and hence bad.

The phrase ‘Me time’ became quite popular because realization soon dawned upon hard working men and women especially juggling multiple responsibilities that they needed this ‘Me time’ to unwind and spring back to action with a renewed energy. Do you know of such people and how many times have you heard others make snide remarks about these people? I am guessing lots…

Stop multi-tasking this moment and ask yourself - ‘What do I want? What can I do today, that will make ME happy and is a meaningful activity for ME? And if I am happy and fulfilled, the people around me are happy. So, how is that an act of selfishness and how is that bad?’

I can almost hear my husband saying ‘Buying a fancy car would make me happy today…’ Sure, by all means, go ahead and do it, if you think that is what will make you happy and is a meaningful activity for you. Well, this is where, as adults, you need to take a call what is meaningful for you…watching TV makes you happy but if that is not a meaningful activity with a purpose for you, you donot feel fulfilled and the happiness is only temporary and short-lived.

I work with people who have this cloak of ‘unselfishness’ so tightly wound around them that they have forgotten to even consider their basic needs of existence. They have become such slaves of doing things for others and in the process losing their own identity, which is a massive source of dissonance , leading to an unhappy or unfulfilled life. The subject of doing things for your own self is so taboo and so alien that when I begin talking about it, it seems like I am asking my clients to commit a crime. That is where I would ask you to really think about the word selfish and ask yourself what is really true here…

I would like to introduce a term here called ‘self empowerment’ – when you are empowering yourself, what is possible for you? From that perspective, when you ask yourself, ‘How have I empowered myself today’, what comes up?

4 aspects of success: Health, Wealth, Relationships and the all-encompassing ME. Successful people are doing what makes them happy and what is meaningful for them. No one else can define what makes you happy or what activity has meaning for you except for you. 

Busting the Acknowledgement Myth...

As per the English dictionary, acknowledgement means ‘acceptance of the truth or existence of something’ or ‘recognition of the importance or quality of something’. In this post, I invite you, to look deeper into acknowledgements in our daily lives.

I know that we all lead super busy lives, we are whizzing through our days, grappling with multiple activities that need to be done RIGHT NOW. So, while we are grateful for the people around us, most people say to me - “How many times can you really say that ‘you are looking great today, you are doing a great job, you did a great presentation, I love you’ and so on....”. True, and if I were to tell you that acknowledgement is really very different from complimenting or praising somebody, would you take note?

Let me illustrate this with some examples...

Praise might be ‘Julie, you performed beautifully on the stage’ while acknowledging would be ‘Julie, your inner beauty shows on the outside too’ or ‘Julie, your attention to detail really shone through on the stage’ – really seeing Julie, the person rather than what Julie did.

Here’s another example: Praise is ‘Saby, good job on the presentation – I am impressed’ while acknowledging would be ‘Saby, your tenacity and commitment really stood out in the presentation’.

It is a nuance but an important one: It says, I see who you are – not what you did.

There is nothing wrong with praise – praise on but cultivate some acknowledgement while you are at it. Acknowledgement recognizes the recipients’ character. You are celebrating their inner strength, and that often helps them see strength they may dismiss or donot recognize at all in themselves.

Acknowledgement feels different from praise - you might startle the recipient and move them in most cases because we are not used to being seen and recognized in this way.

We have heard of great charismatic leaders who have an aura of charm around them – charm is nothing but really seeing the people around you for what they are and what they aspire for and accepting them for who they are...simply acknowledging them in that space with your authentic self.

‘Being connected’ and ‘Charisma’ are 2 of the most touted leadership traits and acknowledgement is one BIG ingredient or contributing factor for both traits. We have heard umpteen stories of Bill Clinton’s charisma, of the connectedness of Jack Welch.

Here’s a different story...

William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli were two of the fiercest political rivals of the 19th century. Their epic battles for control of the British Empire were marked by intense animosity that spilled over from the public arena into their personal lives. Ambitious, powerful, and politically astute, both men were spirited competitors and masterful politicians.

Though each man achieved impressive accomplishments for Britain, the quality that separated them as leaders was their approach to people. The difference is best illustrated by the account of a young woman who dined with the men on consecutive nights. When asked about her impression of the rival statesmen, she said, "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England."

It goes without saying that throughout his career Disraeli always had an edge over Gladstone.

Acknowledgement is not always about seeing something positive, either. It is just about telling the truth about what is going on below the surface with the people around you. “It sounds like you are really overwhelmed and feeling swamped. That must be hard.”

Here are a couple of anecdotes to clarify this further...

Karen Kimsey-House, the CEO of CTI relates one incident as follows:

“A senior executive in my company, new to his position, sent out an email to our faculty about a decision we had made that negatively affected their income. It was not as sensitively stated as it should have been and the faculty was up in arms. So, I acknowledged him: ‘You made a mistake. You blew it. And I bet that feels lonely for you to be a leader that makes decisions and gets judged for it.’ He was so relieved that someone saw his blunder and he didn't have to suffer alone. Then we talked about how he'd repair the damage and I told him I loved him. (I can do that in my company!) Most people would try to pretend it didn't happen. We all grew from that.”

Here is another anecdote from my days in sales....

In a really tense and tight negotiation process with a customer (which had been ongoing for sometime), we had reached a position where we CLOSE or WALK AWAY. There were some 6 key stakeholders in the room completely engrossed in putting our points across and nobody was willing to give an inch. Egos and frustrations were building up (alongwith the cups of coffee) and it seemed like the negotiation was heading towards a possible breakdown and we all were tensed up like coiled springs. One person suddenly made a comment ‘I feel like I am sitting on a bomb and if I get up, the bomb would explode. Does anybody else feel the same way?’ The room immediately heaved a sigh of relief because that’s exactly what the tension in the room felt like and somebody acknowledging that seemed to lift the pressure. Now that the tension was broken, there was a lightness in the room and guess what, we did conclude the negotiations in a win-win scenario.

In difficult situations, just simply acknowledge what is in the space. When it is tense and tight, say “this is hard”. When there is conflict, say “this feels edgy”. When a person is seen and validated in whatever they experience, that compassion grows the connection between the giver and the receiver, sometimes profoundly....

For some, acknowledging might be hard initially and you might need to prepare in advance but with practice, it will come naturally to you and as a result your will see your relationships catapult to a completely different level – that’s a promise. So, continue practising acknowledging and increasing your charm quotient by a notch or two and let me know how it is going....

Smiling - Ear to Ear....

This is a sensation that most of us would be familiar with at some point in time or other, in our lives. I still remember when I won a medal in the 100 metres race in high school (this was out of my comfort zone), I am certain my radiant smile would have dazzled anybody then – the pure unadulterated joy!

If you have kids, you would have seen this dazzling smile that makes your day (I don't have kids myself but I have seen proud parents light up instantly when their kids have this beatific smile on their faces). 

Your memo has been circulated by your boss to the entire organization; Your win has been acknowledged by the CEO; Your work has been recognized as the most innovative in the organization; You have been held up as a model co-worker; Your girlfriend accepted your proposal of marriage/your boyfriend proposed at last; Basically your individual worth has been validated and more importantly accepted – yay!!!

What comes along with this smile is the elated feeling of being on top of the world, anything is possible and also a small thought – I must be looking stupid smiling like this! Others would think I am an arrogant b******, so stop smiling….and we try hard to contain that smile.

This feeling of acceptance is such a powerful stimulant and yet, adulteration is creeping in even there! It is an interesting paradox that while all of us want to be recognized and accepted, most of us donot know where to look or what to say when being acknowledged - the automatic reaction is to play small. 

Imagine the immense opportunity when the spotlight is on you! How can you handle being in the spotlight from your true authentic self without appearing arrogant and also without losing that radiant smile?

Many of my discussions with my clients do focus on acknowledgements - both receiving and giving acknowledgements from a place of authenticity, because that is such a powerful tool for a leader. There is this dilemma that leaders have 'how do you recognize the thin line when acknowledgements go into the territory of overuse/abuse and hence loses its meaning for the giver and the recipient'. (My next blog will look into acknowledgements more deeply).

I like to say acknowledgements are positive energy creators. Whenever you receive an acknowledgement, your first reaction is to do better and with that feeling of walking tall, being confident, you actually DO some of your best work then, and that ear to ear smile is so contagious – spreads the positive energy to others as well. And if receiving acknowledgements is so fulfilling, why not practice giving it as well, once more from a genuine authentic place? Try it on friends and family today....

I am told, we live in a superstitious society where being too happy is a prelude to disaster or celebrating acknowledgements makes us arrogant! Hmm, what is true here?

Imposter Syndrome...

When I joined frontline sales after a stint in delivery and presales, I was doing good but I always had a nagging feeling at the back of mind telling me ‘Oh my God, what are you doing here? You will get found out soon for the fake that you are!’

And hear this, when I joined an MNC directly from campus from my engineering college, there was this voice telling me then ‘You are a mechanical engineer – how will you fit into IT? You are not technically strong like your other counterparts from computer engineering or even electrical engineering – you will get found out soon for the fake that you are!’ Years later, after leading multiple delivery programs, after multiple awards and recognition for my technical skills, there was still this voice telling me ‘you will get found out soon for the fake that you are!’

Thereafter, I left my super successful delivery career and ventured into business development and sales where I had no prior experience. And I landed myself in the midst of some very dashing, smart, handsome sales men, who could talk their pants off and sell anything. Now this voice was stronger than ever ‘Where have you landed yourself – you donot know anything about sales and you are not remotely as articulate as your other counterparts. You are a woman – people donot listen to women in sales. You will be found out soon for the fake that you are!’.

Years later, after a successful sales career in multiple countries, across multiple cultures, being led by and leading some really kick-ass sales generals, after countless CXO and other senior level meetings, I realized that though I have never been exposed as a fake yet, that voice inside me is still hopeful…

It was then that I stumbled upon a startling fact that this voice has got a name – it is called the IMPOSTER syndrome and it is very common among most people (especially the successful ones), in high performance sales people, in high flying leaders, in women climbing fast up the corporate ladder, in entrepreneurs, in performers/athletes/artists going for world recognition and the list is endless. 

So, how did this syndrome help or shackle me? It made me work harder to prove myself, to “cover” up essentially and for the most part I learned to ignore this voice. But I also realized that at a few places it made me avoid taking big risks, made me keep my head down and not be as bold as I might otherwise have been. Now I know this syndrome and I am comfortable with this being my friend - calling it out is the first step towards dealing with this affliction.

The incoming class in Stanford Business School (after a tough admission process) was asked, who among them felt that they were there because the admissions committee made a mistake. Guess, how many students raised their hands? Approx 75% of the students felt they were a mistake and they would be found out soon.

“[I would] wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot and, and think, I can’t do this; I’m a fraud” – Kate Winslet

“At any time I still expect that the no-talent police will come and arrest me” – Mike Myers

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh-Oh, they’re going to find out now. I have run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out’ ” – Award winning author Mary Angelou

Do you have this affliction as well? If yes, how do you deal with it? How do you make it an ally to propel your career or life in the direction that you want?